You ever read that piece by T. D. Jakes or better yet heard the sermon “The Gift of Goodbye?” Did you like me nod your head in agreement with the message? Did you fully acknowledge the struggle that other people have when it comes to letting go? Did you holler “preach preacher” when he said their time in your life was done? I know I did! I then proceeded to sip my whiskey and commiserate with those sad souls who were either too blind to see or much too weak to leave when THAT time came. I mean how can you not see when it is over, how can it be so hard for any functional human being to not just walk away from something that no longer served their best interests; read growth, purpose or simply happiness? How pathetic could they be, for real!
If like me you fall into the majority of the human race, then saying goodbye to things that no longer appeal to us is a breeze, walking away from such is literally a walk in the park. We do it all the time and then go hang out with friends, more often than not in the company of distilled beverages, and talk it out. We sometimes hate, oftentimes bitch, other times laugh away whatever or whoever aggrieved us. IT IS THAT SIMPLE! We will wake up the morning after, feeling accomplished and pat ourselves on the back for being so strong- we will, we will, drop you drop you drop you- probably playing at the back of our minds. We’ll say “I am that guy, that winner you often read about you poor bastard you. Grab a seat and learn a lesson from the boss, take a page out of my book, be in awe of the master!”
Until we are faced with that decision to walk away from our heart! When goodbye is supposed to be said to emotion; and especially of the romantic variety.
Then we realize it really is not as easy as we imagined it was, in fact it’s harder than the proverbial camel getting through a needle’s eye we read of in the good book. When not at war with a mind spouting silly logic around why you should stay or arguing with a heart over the (mostly) pros and (very flimsy cons) of why you shouldn’t go, it is your spirit playing a 7D extremely fantastic reel of the good times with a few grainy frames of the hard or nothing at all. Now nothing at all is even worse than the lies you tell yourself to hold on to the hurt because that is the one that convinces you to not delve deeply into that self-assessment of what should or shouldn’t be for you. It is what traps you in work or drink or fun to block all thoughts of the consequences of really going at it. You find yourself escaping nights of shadows on the wall and scents on your beddings with thoughts of what “must” be done on the morrow. You make yourself so busy that you have no time to go through anything but the motions. You stop living, become accustomed to surviving. A small part of you knows exactly what is going on but the louder part shouts out that it is better than the alternative.
If I have learned anything through my own experiences it is that it’s painful to know they will never again feel the same, that you are trapped between true love and being alone, but trust me when I tell you it is even more dangerous to stay stuck in limbo. Life passes you by; you lose the colour in your eyes, the sound of music fades, the poignancy of poetry is lost on you and the zest for life becomes severely diluted. You turn into a suffering junky; getting high on the flagellation of hermit-hood, rewrite the script and make everything your fault- forgetting that just as it takes 2 to tango it also takes an action- reaction force to cause things to go awry.
This in turn causes you to reach blindly for and run madly towards the object of your desire. They on the other hand will not be ready to go back to the way things were, in fact the harder you try the stronger they will resist. And after the crushing sense of rejection subsides you will start to hate and the hate my friend will be intense! You will hate because you will clearly see that while your life is falling apart, theirs will be moving forward. That does not necessarily mean that they are evil or even that they do or did not love you, it just means that the 2 of you are not at the same place at that point in time. But try convincing your emotional self of that at the point. You will go through this cycle of trial- rejection- hate a number of times and each time will destroy a little more of the memories you once cherished. And if not arrested in time, you will find yourself questioning why you were ever together in the first place? You will tell yourself that you were too good for them, persuade yourself that they did you a favour after all…and then continue to hate. Someone much wiser than me once coined the phrase “winners never lose, they win or they learn!” Your hate will blind you to that; it will deny you the objectivity to take the good with the bad, make you throw the baby out with the bath water. It will not only rob y’all of the chance to have a hale and hearty relationship after and even worse, poison you for the one who will come after.
So take the time today to say goodbye to those whose chapter in the book of your life is ended. Flip the page and move on to the next act. Remember them with the fondness of your baby blanky or favourite toy- take the memories with you but let the attachment die its own natural death. Do not fight the change for you cannot stop the inevitable or defeat the fated. Close your eyes and let go, just release. Where you land will be unfamiliar, scary even but it will be yours and you can therefore own it. Moreover you will be the better for it and aptly prepared for your destiny.